she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
