My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
