I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
