The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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