You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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