I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
