Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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