i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
