I didn't shave. On purpose
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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