No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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