dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
