You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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