Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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