woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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