Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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