Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
