apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize