i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
