whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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