You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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