Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
