we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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