the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you win again, gameday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
