I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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