at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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