The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
