Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize