I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
