Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
