That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize