that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
