I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
