I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
