So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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