Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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