the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
