my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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