I CAN MOONWALK!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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