We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
