I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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