This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
