he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
