sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
