She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
