god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
