Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
