Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
