she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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my shit smells like andre
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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