well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
