Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
