my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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