my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
