shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
