You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
