Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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