He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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