People in love make me want to vomit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
