So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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