Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
