Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
