his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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