it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
